Away We Go......: Uh... Blogging?

Sometimes I feel like a fake when I write. Mostly because I just don't think I'm very good at it. But I do rather enjoy it, so I have decided to do it on a regular basis. Again. But not just in my personal journals this time... in a blog. Online. Where actual human beings can actually see it. It feels rather bold, and I feel rather... well... vulnerable. Which is uncomfortable for me sometimes. It hasn't always been... I have always been, by nature, a fairly open person when it comes to my feelings, emotions, and experiences. But over the course of time- particularly the past two and a half years- several things about me have changed pretty drastically. Mostly for the better. At least I like to think so. I have never lost the desire or ability to share myself with others, but I have certainly been more particular about who I share the most intimate parts of myself and my story with. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think it's a little of both.

It has its pros and cons, as most things in life do. But it's working for me. I have become much more self-sufficient. Some of my experiences have forced me to, and I am grateful for that. I learned how to be independent. I experienced the joy, satisfaction, and freedom of standing on my own two feet without feeling like I needed anyone else's approval as a safety net. Don't get me wrong- I still feel like I need it sometimes. Approval, I mean. It's a part of human nature, it's in my subconscious mind, and it pops up at the worst times and in the worst ways. But it pops up so I can clear it out. And I am working on that continually. And the difference between then and now, the reason why I can usually clear it out when my triggers get hit, ("there's a switch that gets hit...") is that I now have the constant underlying, powerful knowledge that I don't need it. I am a human being. I want approval from other human beings. But if I don't have it, I am still safe. I am still loved. Because the love is inside of me. I have a piece of God inside of me. And God is Love. How cool is that? Okay, I'm rambling... I have a feeling that will happen more often than not. Just an inkling. So if you are the kind of person who cannot bear to listen to people ramble, this is probably not an ideal blog for you to read. Not that I am under the impression that anyone was planning on reading this blasted thing. That would be pretentious of me... right? ......There I go with the approval thing.

Anyway. the point that I think I was trying to make is this:
I am learning how to be vulnerable again.
It is not easy. At all. But I am loving every minute of it.
And this is the main reason:

This stud is my husband. Yes, I'm serious.Yes, I know how lucky I am. But you don't. I wish you did, but you don't. You couldn't. You just simply could not know the goodness that is Chase Christian Brady. He was sent to me straight from God. And that about sums it up.

Except maybe it doesn't, because I still feel the urge to keep talking about him. Which is normal for me. My tendency to be stubborn and try to do everything myself and stress myself out and take care of everyone else's "needs" while ignoring my own- well, it just does not work for this man. Because he knows that it does not work for me. How a person who has only known me for a year could know my soul so well, I really just don't know. But it never ceases to amaze me. I have never been asked the question, "What do you want?" On such a constant basis. Sometimes it catches me off guard. Because, well, sometimes I just hadn't thought about it. But I need to. So I am grateful.

We got married on August 25, 2012.

It was pretty great.