Introducing...

LIAM GRAYSON BRADY.

I am already so in love with him.

Profile 16 weeks

Profile 20 weeks

I have finally started feeling little Liam's movements and kicks on a regular basis, and I absolutely love it :) it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. Sometimes Chase and I will poke him and wait for him to poke back, and it makes me so much more excited to meet him and see what his little personality is like! If you would have asked me at any point in my life up until the day I found out about Liam whether I would ever consider being a mother as a newlywed 22-year-old, I would have emphatically replied, "NO WAY!" Having my own sweet little children with Chase was certainly a part of my plan, but a part that I always imagined and planned on happening a few years down the road. I had other plans in mind for my first couple of years as a married woman. And I took the birth control route in order to ensure that these plans could come to pass when I wanted them to. But this little guy wanted to be here! And so here he is! And you know what? I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! The more I go through life, the more I realize that it isn't about making plans and having them go exactly the way we want them to. It is about enjoying the ride. We are just human beings. We don't always have the perspective to know what is best for us. But there is one who does! And that is God! And whether I feel prepared to be a mother or not, God will prepare me because this is part of his plan for me. And I am so grateful. What a huge blessing! And what a cute kid!

In other baby news, my body is changing rapidly:

Momma 23 weeks

I thought I would wear make-up more often after I cut all my hair off...

This is clearly not the case.

In fear & faith.

"Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth." -Anonymous

Guys, I have been really fearful, uncertain, and uncomfortable lately. So I suppose I'm growing :) 

I'll be honest, I've had a pretty rough go of it the past couple of months. I have not felt quite like myself. I have made some decisions that were not incredibly healthy for me emotionally. But I was sitting in church last week with my husband and my group home girls, with nothing out of the ordinary being said or done at all, just a typical testimony meeting... and it suddenly hit me. All of these issues that I have been dealing with have one common factor: FEAR. And all of those decisions that I wished I would have made differently? Those were all made from a position of fear. A fearful person made those decisions, which is why the result was... less than ideal.

But the thing about fear is, it can be overcome. And there's only one way to do it: Replacing the fear with FAITH. That is such a beautiful word. Faith. It is powerful, it is hopeful, and it is the exact opposite of fear. So, obviously, it's something that I need a lot more of in my life right now! I am choosing to today to replace my fear with faith!

Concerning perfectionism. And various recent events.

I spent a little while the other day reading all of my previous blog entries. It's a wonder I had that much free time on my hands... or any free time, for that matter... but honestly, I was not super pleased. I mean, there was a lot of good information, but a lot of it felt rather... well... impersonal. That's the best word I could come up with to describe my writing. Impersonal. And that bothers me. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. Okay, not just a bit. Like, sometimes it scares me how much of a perfectionist I am. And other people notice, and they can see that it's irrational, and I know that it's irrational, but that doesn't necessarily change anything. I'm still a perfectionist. I don't mean to be too hard on myself... honestly, I have come a looong way over the years regarding my perfectionism. I am leaps and bounds beyond where I used to be. I am at the point right now where I can make or do something that isn't completely perfect and still get some satisfaction out of having completed it. But it certainly isn't easy. I have a long way to go. Often, even when I begin a project swearing up and down that I am going to do it the easy way this time and only spend an hour on it, because that is how long it should reasonably take a person to complete, I still find myself shaking my head three and a half hours later after finally having finished it, thinking to myself, "How in the world did that take me so long? Why did it have to be done so thoroughly? Did it have to be done so thoroughly? I wonder how long it took so-and-so to do this very same project... probably only half the time it took me. Maybe less. What the hell is wrong with me that I can't be more like everyone else and just not care so much?" Guys, these are self-defeating thoughts. They are incredibly unhealthy. I recognize that. But, you know, they happen. It's a work-in-progress.

The positive thing about my perfectionism? When that project gets done, it is magnificent. It is impressive. It is thorough. It is truly glorious to behold. But unfortunately, the end does not usually justify the means.

Anyway, enough rambling... back to my original point. My writing. You see, in my opinion, writing should not be perfect. It is not meant to be perfect. It is meant to be real. And that's what I want this blog to be. Real. So, although it's pretty uncomfortable for me, I'm going to make an honest effort to make my writing less perfect and more real. And although no one but yours truly reads this blog at the moment, eventually, others will. So let's get some personality up in here, shall we?

So... on a completely unrelated note... Valentine's Day happened last week. And it was magnificent. That whole week was, actually. My husband spoiled me to death. I don't care what anyone says about Valentine's day. People go on and on about how it's "too cliche" or how it's "not Valentine's Day, it's Single Awareness Day" blah blah blah.... yeah.... no. It's a day to celebrate love. Any kind of love. And I really, really like it.  

Valentine's Day was also my last day with long hair. Yes, that's 

right... I CUT MY HAIR!!! And I love it! And Chase loves it even more than I do! I don't miss these long locks at all. Well... not yet, anyway :)

Some pictures of the transformation:

And the finished product:

The Bump.

Well... It's finally here!

At 19 weeks!

The baby bump.

My little baby boy and I are almost halfway there :)

I hope that womb's not too warm

Cause it's cold out here

And it'll be quite a shock

To breathe this air

To discover loss

So I'd like to make some changes

Before you arrive

So when your new eyes meet mine

They won't see no lies

Just love.

Just love.

I will be pure

No, no, I will be pure

Like snow.

Like gold.

-Bright Eyes

wilderwoman.

"Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I mat bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light; that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life."

-The St. Francis Prayer

You can't tell, but there is a picture of Christ behind me in this photo.

I am so grateful for him today I can't even stand it.

How blessed I am to know that I am never alone.

There is always one who completely understands what I am feeling.

I know I look like a filthy orphan in these pictures, but I assure you this is one happy, healthy girl right here. These were taken earlier this year when I was working as a field staff at a wilderness therapy program in The Grand Staircase Escalante. Best job in the world, hands down (don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the job I have now, but... seriously). I would not trade those months living and working in the wilderness for anything. It was an unforgettable experience being in the great outdoors all the time, closer to God than I ever thought possible, connecting with remarkable people and the breathtaking environment around me. Not to mention the fact that having the opportunity to help others through their recovery did wonders for my own recovery. I can't wait to go back for a visit to my favorite place next month! Wilderwoman for life!

My favorite wilderness dish. Key lime pie baked on the campfire.

Look at me. I am so cultured.

And of course... the infamous creeper face!

...I just realized that there are five pictures of JUST ME on this post. Five! How vain am I?

Monday Mugs.

Yeah, it's been a while...

I finally have a moment to breathe.

Life has been way too busy lately! I wish it would slow down a little bit!
If it isn't one thing, it's another.
I would really like a vacation.
But who wouldn't, right?
And being busy is always better than being bored... right?



It's only 9:30 am, and I already feel super productive today.
I drove Chase to work.
I went to the gym (early in the morning... miracles do happen).
I did some laundry (huge accomplishment, I know).
And I am even making time for some of this:

Only three days until the movie! I am so excited!

Yes, those are smiley face fruit snacks next to my tea... I am a classy lady.

Coincidentally, this picture illustrates two of my obsessions: candles and mugs.

I am also rather fond of reading, but I wouldn't venture to say that it is an obsession of mine.

My deep love for candles started years ago when I was in high school, but the whole mug thing started fairly recently. Maybe it has something to do with the time of year and the fact that I drink much more hot chocolate this year than I ever did before (and I drank quite a bit before... don't judge). Who knows!

But I love my cute little mug collection so far! Chase saw me lusting after this particular mug and plate combo at Target a couple of weeks ago, so of course he bought it. He is so great. This particular morning, I was an Early Bird, so it seemed fitting.  However, it is not often that I feel justified in using this mug. With my sleep schedule being the way it is lately, it generally makes more sense to use its counterpart, which I went back and purchased last week:

Adorable, I know.

Happy Monday, everyone!!!

Back to Basics.

Remember how I mentioned how nostalgic this time of year is?
Well, Chase and I went to Harts for hot chocolate.
Talk about nostalgia...
Oh, high school. I do not miss you!

"To the extent that we want something from someone, to that exact degree, we will be in pain."

- Dag Hammarskjold

Time to get back to the basics.

I have to force myself to do this every now and again.

You would think I would learn.

I suppose I am, though... trail and error, right?

Sorry for being vague. But remember: this blog is just as much for me as it is for you. And by "you" I mean no one, of course... you know, since I don't have any followers yet! I am so cool. Too cool. And you know what is most ridiculous about the whole thing? I get an incredible amount of enjoyment out of writing this blog despite the fact that no one reads it.

Another awesome quote:

"Don't reinvent the wheel; just realign it."

- Anthony J. D'Angelo

Have I mentioned lately that I love my husband?

'Cause I do.